If you follow me on Instagram, this post should not come as a surprise; after a couple of re-shares and the conversations that followed, I felt it was important to document it on the blog.
Following the popularity of this post on Instagram, I had a conversation with a friend who teased, “Grace, I guess you’re a friendship guru now.”
LET THERE BE GAPS IN YOUR TOGETHERNESS
I am very big on friendship but I also like to keep my circle small. As I age (which introduces insights), there are routines I’ve adopted to navigate friendships; especially when you begin to accept that humans in addition to their beauty, kindness, or loyalty, are flawed; possessing irritant, classist, and obnoxious behavior.
Regardless, as you grow in life, friendships ( including those who have incessant qualities) are really important to wade through circumstances. There is no immediate need to burn bridges in situations that are either within or outside your control. So here are a few lessons on friendship boundaries;
• Group your friendships, promoting those who have shown stewardship, consistency in character and loyalty into a class of importance.
• Group friends into those who relate with you in the same manner of respect and approach, as you do with them and those who don’t.
• Group friends according to banter, career, hobbies and insightful discussions. In doing so you have fewer expectations from people, and would manage your anger better when they fall short. Have certain expectations from a each classed group, and you can easily demote and promote persons from these groups. Also, when you find someone who can be a friend in all things, marry them, keep them, love them and reciprocate that love, because they don’t make them like that any more.
- Most importantly, don’t burn bridges, but let there be gaps in your togetherness.
Shoes: Stuart Weitzman
ON CREATING BOUNDARIES
It took me a while to get a hang of why setting boundaries are important, as it allows you to enjoy the comfort of a space you’ve set aside for yourself (privacy). In setting boundaries or listing out habits that make you uncomfortable, you get to understand yourself better.
Having boundaries also helps you to navigate friendships, and gives you the sense of why respecting people’s sense of self is important, while keeping your respect.
When it comes to boundaries, we find it more hospitable to relax them for lovers, crushes or people who we have a special liking for, but research has proven this doesn’t help build better bonds but often leave us irritated and scared.
The other question people ask is how can they know when to spell out or their boundaries in their relationships? My response is always to document your attitude to people’s behavior and see what in the way you relate with them ticks you off or leave you irritated afterwards.
What are your thoughts? Follow on my other platforms to continue the conversation.
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